Dreamer's dreams

I noticed I always eats more than my boyfriend! That's prolly because he, like what my mum and dad always say, eats like a little girl! HAHAHA

For the first time, he told me about his dreams today and asked about mine. hmm...


Like a typical dreamer, I.... often like to stare blank into space. And my close friends know that this is normal for me. I stare blank into space everywhere I go. In between the spoonfuls of my food, when I'm on the train, when I lift my head up from a book that I'm reading....in classes, when I'm walking. Just focusing on any spot that allows me to go into a reverie of my own, that allows me to indulge in a world of my own. The other day I caught Jassie looking at me while I was zoning out. I asked her, "What's up? Why you look at me like that!"

"I was looking at you because I'm trying to think what you're thinking about" She laughed.

A little sneak peek here. Welcome to my world of.... thoughts.

Sometimes I would like to think of what's happening in my life from a third person's perspective. Would like my life to be written into a narrative. I pull and put words together to form sentences that would definitely spice up situations in my life. That's what I'm thinking about mostly all the time I'm zoning out by myself. I write stories of the dates I have had with Kai, the times with my family, that particular day at church where I felt God's presence very strongly. Or of those times where I would sit and cry because nostalgia eats me up on rainy days, or when I was shedding tears of joy because I have gotten into my dream course, or maybe just moments with people who I love that made me laugh hard at their jokes. Jokes that till today, I still recall and still tickle me.

Other times I think about the near future. Those things which I know will most likely happen; I try to ask those who are leaving to stay, try to make happy moments last a little more with the art of language. I craft out these stories with my imagination, and my experiences for the past 16 years of my life. I write these stories in my head. All in my head. It feels like I'm writing my future sometimes.

I look back upon every moment in my life. Happy ones, bad ones, sad ones, hurtful ones. There are instances where I look at you and talk to you and I could be thinking of something bad that have happened before between us. Something irreparable, something that still is a stigma in my life. You could call that holding grudges, but for me, I would like to say that is just a warning signal sent out by my memory, to tell me to be careful not to get hurt by you again.

I freak people out by remembering insignificant events that people have long forgotten. I like to jerk these pieces of memories up from people's mind, remind them that this has once happened before. Maybe for the pure leisure of watching the person arch his eyebrows, his eyes going out of focus as he tries hard to remember whether these things have happened, then his eyes going back into focus as he receives some sort of recognition; I tell him the exact day, date, time, the weather, the location, the people. The person then exclaims and says he remembers. It fills me with pride all the time.

And the reason why i remember stuff so clearly? It's because I write these events into stories and crown them "Part of Tira's life".